I turn 26 today! WooHoo!
My birthdays are a time of reflection. I didn’t really have significant birthday parties growing up. There was my 1st birthday which I don’t remember, but there’s a picture of me with a knife and a cake, plus my mom said there was a party, so I believe her. Then there was my 10th birthday which was spent at the beach with family. That one, I remember quite vividly. It was fun at the time. There wasn’t much of anything again till my 24th birthday. That one was so significant. I got engaged to the then ‘love of my life’ and ate lobster at the same time (lobster is absolutely disgusting by the way). That was a good day. My ring was the most beautiful rose gold ring and I wasn’t sure anything could top that.
But on my 25th birthday, I went all out – trying to prove to myself and my ex that I was happy. I threw a birthday just to prove that I didn’t need my ex and that I was happy. It was beautiful. I worked hard for a summer body and got it. The party was amazing, but as soon as I got home, I called my ex because all I really wanted was to spend the day with him and relive my 24th birthday.
Then there’s today – my 26th birthday. There are no balloons, no flowers and definitely no party. There’s me in a beautiful hotel room surrounded by 4 of my best girlfriends. There is no longer a need to put on a charade or an appearance of happiness; because when you’re really happy, you don’t feel the need to prove it to anyone. I don’t eat cake but I got one cupcake and blew out a candle at midnight. I’m making this a tradition.
It’s crazy how it’s taken me 26years to realise that I am whole and complete by myself. I have thrown away all the “I can’ts” and “I am not good enoughs” from my vocabulary. I can and I am good enough. I accept that there are parts of me that are still broken from the pain I suffered, but healing is a daily job and I’m making significant progress. I’m throwing away the tough exterior from now on. There’s nothing wrong with being vulnerable. I don’t feel guilty for starting life all over again at 26! Better late than never, they say. So here’s to finally loving myself at the big age of 26! Love & light!
Lots of love,