Wednesday, 30 May 2018

SINGLE PRINGLE

When I decided to resume blogging, I promised myself not to lose sight of why I started blogging which is to be honest with the world…or just with myself at the very least. So, I decided it’s half time to talk about my journey as a single woman. I find that this is something people shy away from in Nigeria because it connotes some sort of desperation especially when coming from a woman and that really shouldn’t be the case. I’ve been single for over a year now and it’s been quite a learning experience; because prior to my "single days", I was engaged. Yes, engaged! (but that is a story for another day).

My last relationship took quite a toll on me emotionally that I swore off dating for a while. But navigating the single road was quite difficult in the early days. Honestly, I didn’t know how to be single…most of my formative years was centred around relationships that I actually hated my own company…my own solitude; but I didn’t know it at the time. All I know is that there was some comfort that came with relationships that being with myself did not provide. So I stumbled into casual relationships to feel a longing and I hurt so many people along the way. I sat down one day to re-evaluate my life as to why so many people felt hurt by my actions and quite frankly, my non-challant attitude to their feelings. It was at this point I realised that sometimes broken people break other people. I realised that I was broken on the inside and I needed healing. The type of healing that doesn’t come from new relationships, new clothes or going on vacations…the type of healing that needed me to look in the mirror and truly acknowledge my flaws while loving myself. And until I received that healing, I wasn’t going to be able to treat people the way God expects of me.

And it was tough and it took a while…a lot of crying, bad decisions, praying and sometimes chocolates. But I’ve finally gotten to a place of love and acceptance within myself. I can now say something I couldn’t say last year – I am single and happy. I am so content and happy that my parents are a bit worried. Lol. This doesn’t mean I don’t get anxiety sometimes about my ‘relational’ life – sometimes I worry about if I am ever going to be able to trust another person with my heart again and I am tempted to rush the process, but I genuinely believe in seasons. There is a time to heal…a time to break down and a time to build up (Peep the Bible reference here) and if we rush the process, we would end up going round in circles only to end up where we first started. Sometimes loving yourself means you accept the healing that you need in order to become a better person. Sometimes loving yourself means you are able to admit to yourself that something isn’t working and take steps to fixing it. All the time, loving yourself means being comfortable in your own skin and with your own solitude.
OUTFIT DETAILS

“To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven – Ecclesiastes 3:1”

Lots of love,

27 comments:

  1. Thank you so much for this post.

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  2. It was really insightful reading this. Thanks for sharing and been so honest about it.

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  3. You look beautiful as usual and this post came just at the right time for me. I recently became single and I am finding it so hard to adjust, I pray that I find the healing you're speaking about.

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    1. Thanks so much for the kind words. Take each day as it comes and lean on God for your healing. I trust that He will come through for you. He always does for his children xx

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  4. Cannot believe you are single. If you are single, what will people like us now do oooo? loooool

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    1. Looool. It's actually refreshing to be comfortable in your own skin, that way when you do get with someone, he/she will complement you as opposed to completing you.xx

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  5. Nice piece.

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  6. Tomi, I don't know you and all but you are actually goals! Your honesty is refreshing. Your husband will be a lucky man. God bless you.

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    1. Nobody is goals oooo! We all present the best version of ourselves to the public. Thanks so much for the kind words. AMENNNNNN!

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  7. You just want us to know you're looking for a man. LOL.

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  8. This is a beautiful piece. Thank you so much for this.

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  9. this just reminds me of my own process. I was in a toxic relationship, although not engaged I had met the family and it felt like this was it, but that didn't change the fact that it was weighing me down. I stayed because I didn't want people to start asking questions and because the we had spent so much time together. One day I asked God to free me if this guy wasn't really the one, he broke up with me a couple of days after. Years later I learnt that the day he broke up with me he was planning to propose. After this break up people started to tell me what they really felt about his character and from all they said and what I know, had I married him I would never have been happy. It took me almost 2 years to get over it, half of which I spent acting like the relationship never existed. I eventually had to deal with it. The abuse was so deep that his hurtful words kept ringing in my ears. I started looking for ways to hurt him back, and make him feel the pain I felt. But I eventually got to a place where I put my feelings before God, acknowledged my weakness, asked God to help me forgive and began to pray for him (positive prayers) and it was then my healing started. I am married now and all I can think is if I had known I would have stressed myself, I would have just believed God. Tomi thanks for sharing, you are such an inspiration, your sharing always makes me want to share, so I decided to do just that today. In good time your blessings will come and you'll wonder what you did to deserve such blessings. I hope me story helps someone.

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    1. Wow! Thank you so so much for sharing. Your story has blessed me! You are a strong woman. I thank God for your life! Love you sister!

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  10. So can we slide into your dms?

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  11. Tomi love! We are in this boat together. Taking it one day at a time. We would be alright! ❤

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    1. Haha! I think the key is to be more than alright. It’s to be comfortable and happy in your singleness. You can’t go from being an unhappy single human to becoming a happy human just because you got married. Love yourself through all stages of life❤️

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  12. Beautiful piece...quite inspiring

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  13. Lovely post Tomilola!! What if it's a situation whereby the lady gets out of a relatonship then meets a guy who isn't really her type of guy character wise and all but she just feels she should date him as opposed to her saying they should be just friends (and she would also have time to properly heal) cos she is scared of missing the offer or she doesn't know if her kind of guy exist and she doesn't just want to lose all the same. What do you think a lady in this kind of situation should do ??

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    1. I think that lady isn’t truly happy in her singleness and is looking for some sort of validation. Love is sooo beautiful when it’s right and it’s definitely not forced. Also, the best relationships are forged out of genuine friendships. I’m no relationship expert but I doubt you should be having so much doubts about “the love of your life”. Be friends with him and take it from there! Wishing you love and light❤️❤️

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I am so glad you're taking the time out to comment. It really does put a smile on my face ♥