My last relationship took quite a toll on me emotionally that I swore off dating for a while. But navigating the single road was quite difficult in the early days. Honestly, I didn’t know how to be single…most of my formative years was centred around relationships that I actually hated my own company…my own solitude; but I didn’t know it at the time. All I know is that there was some comfort that came with relationships that being with myself did not provide. So I stumbled into casual relationships to feel a longing and I hurt so many people along the way. I sat down one day to re-evaluate my life as to why so many people felt hurt by my actions and quite frankly, my non-challant attitude to their feelings. It was at this point I realised that sometimes broken people break other people. I realised that I was broken on the inside and I needed healing. The type of healing that doesn’t come from new relationships, new clothes or going on vacations…the type of healing that needed me to look in the mirror and truly acknowledge my flaws while loving myself. And until I received that healing, I wasn’t going to be able to treat people the way God expects of me.
And it was tough and it took a while…a lot of crying, bad decisions, praying and sometimes chocolates. But I’ve finally gotten to a place of love and acceptance within myself. I can now say something I couldn’t say last year – I am single and happy. I am so content and happy that my parents are a bit worried. Lol. This doesn’t mean I don’t get anxiety sometimes about my ‘relational’ life – sometimes I worry about if I am ever going to be able to trust another person with my heart again and I am tempted to rush the process, but I genuinely believe in seasons. There is a time to heal…a time to break down and a time to build up
(Peep the Bible reference here) and if we rush the
process, we would end up going round in circles only to end up where we first
started. Sometimes loving yourself means you accept the healing that you need
in order to become a better person. Sometimes loving yourself means you are
able to admit to yourself that something isn’t working and take steps to fixing
it. All the time, loving yourself means being comfortable in your own skin and
with your own solitude.
“To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven – Ecclesiastes 3:1”
Lots of love,